I feel like I’ve introduced him a thousand times (and I never get sick of it)…but today, rather than me reiterating events, or lessons learned, he takes to the keyboard in his first ever guest post. A little funny, and very honest, without further ado, the love of my life, my rock, and the man who keeps my ass blue: Master J!
When I told my close friends about the coming out of my fiancée (at the time, she wasn’t yet my wife) they all had the same reaction:
“What did you do to the world to be that lucky?”
For a lot of my heterosexual male friends, the idea of being allowed to fuck other women in front of my future wife sounded like the best thing ever! I won’t lie, it did sound good to me too. When your partner raises an idea like that, it’s new, different, hot…exciting! But, then comes the realization of what it may truly mean…
What if we do it, and she hates it?
What if she hates it so much that she can’t have sex with me anymore?
What if she hates it so much that she can’t even look at me anymore?
The truth is, I always knew that the moment I’d find the woman I wanted to spend my life with, there’d be no part of me that would risk losing her over sex. Don’t get me wrong, I love sex. I think sex is as important as anything else in a relationship. I’ll push it as far as saying sex is the glue that holds the relationship together (and, of course, each couple defines what that means for them). It will never be the precise element that makes you fall in love, but it helps in the maintenance of that love…
So losing my wife for sex? It’s just not an option. Our sex life is already so good (not to rub it in…I’m sure she mentions that a lot on this blog, right? …Right?). So, why risk it?
The fantasy comes from her?
It’s hot as hell?
I can brag to my friends about it?
It’s awesome being in a relationship that challenges the bullshit society has been feeding us since we could understand words?
It will only happen if the word ‘risk’ is eliminated from my mind.
Like you know by now, the fantasy did come from her, but she still needed to convince me that there would be no risk. The words “fun,” “sexy,” “exciting,” “desire,” “choice,” needed to be repeated, and the words “risk,” “fear,” “jealousy,” “ashamed,” “regret,” had to disappear before steps were taken. I wanted to beat those words until they had no life left in them!
You think I’m being harsh, perhaps? Understand this: in the first conversations, all of the latter words were used. My idea would be to dissect them so fiercely that they wouldn’t be present anymore. If they were? Well, that’d be my red light.
So, for anyone reading this and may be in the same situation: TALK!
It doesn’t have to be the exact same fantasy, but: TALK!
So we did.
Until it was too much and she was done with me speaking about it.
“You want me to shut up and never mention the word cuckquean again? Or cuckcake? Or women? Yes? Good!”
I’d rather push it so hard verbally, making her not want it anymore, than going into something she wasn’t entirely sure of. I spoke about it a lot because I needed to. I needed to make sure that we would not lose each other if it happened. I asked questions. I went online, researching if there were women with the fantasy to fuck couples. I started looking at women in the street again, wondering if Quean Mo would like them. I did it in front of her, never hiding anything. We had our moments of tension. I would not call them fights, but it got heated once or twice (and not in a sexy way!).
“You make me feel you want the fantasy more than I do!”
“It’s not my fantasy anymore, it’s yours!”
That’s what she’d tell me.
I always responded with the same honest statement: “I don’t need it.”
I didn’t need this fantasy to feel fulfilled in my life, in my relationship, in my sexuality. I don’t need it. I need her! Sex will never become a priority over our love (understanding that our love includes sex we both deeply crave and enjoy).
Between all the talks, all the moments of tension, all the figuring out as to why it was such a complicated thing to go through with…our relationship grew. We took the time to understand each other more and more.
I could see that when we were out having drinks, dancing and in a specific mood, she’d watch women; she would enjoy speaking about the fantasy with me; the idea would actually excite her again. I recognized that when we were home, relaxed, just the two of us, it would annoy her if I would be on, say, Fetlife, looking at women’s profiles; it would annoy her to speak about the fantasy, or if I gave her news about the women we were in contact with.
After months of talking, months of exploring, I finally understood how it works. Remember, no two couples are alike, especially when approaching a fantasy. Some might take time online, planning the whole thing together, or there’s how we do things…
We’ve had sexual encounters with other women, and every time it follows the same pattern of initiation:
No sex was planned until the moment it happened. The energy of the night was high, we met the people randomly, and the place we were possessed an ambiance that connected us – allowing Quean Mo, the woman of her choosing, and I to jump into this fantasy together, united, and at ease.
Our way to work is to let it happen naturally. We don’t push it, we don’t spend hours online looking for the “perfect woman” who fits the “criteria” (cuckcake, submissive, into French dudes…). We go out together, enjoy each other’s company as a couple, enjoy being in love and being truly happy, and if we meet a woman who is as much into us as we are into them, well… You know, don’t you?
– Master J
So, tell me friends, what is a unique trait or system in your relationship that perhaps took time to get the hang of?
Until next time,
Fuck well, friends, and TALK about it!